Living with anxiety is hard. Sometimes you feel normal, and you can go about doing “normal” business. Yesterday wasn’t one of those days.
I went to the Norman Music Festival and I had a great time watching my friend’s band perform, as well as other bands and performers. I saw a fantastic aerial artist perform with silks, she was great. But then we went to grab something to eat, and went into a restaurant we had a Groupon for. I ended up wanting to run out of there and lock myself away somewhere away from everyone and everything.
Loud music, people talking and laughing, music coming from both doors every time they opened, it was too much. My sense overloaded and I felt like crawling under the table and holding my knees to my chest, just rocking back and forth. I couldn’t do that, obviously, because we weren’t sitting at a booth. If we had been, I might have.
To some people that probably sounds weird, but to me that is my reality. It’s very difficult for me to be in social situations. Talking to people makes my palms sweat and my mouth get dry. When my boss tells me to “just pick up the phone and give them a call” my stomach falls down to my knees. When people suggest going to a popular new bar or restaurant, I immediately think of how crowded it will be, how awful being trapped in there will be for me.
It’s really hard to have these feelings, because I feel like so many people around don’t understand. When talking to a cashier is no problem, or giving someone a call is second nature, it’s hard to feel like someone can relate. But even then, I know most people can. I think everyone has suffered from anxiety at one point in their lives.
How do I handle my anxiety? Well, until my state legalizes the safest and most natural way of handling anxiety and depression (both things I suffer from), I will continue to use things like calming meditations, aromatherapy and chamomile tea to help me get through it. Yesterday’s panic attack made me wish I had a prescription, but at the same time I don’t want lasting damage to my internal organs that so many medications can cause.
Anyway, I suppose I just felt like sharing that experience, because it was very difficult for me and I’ve spent today at home recuperating from it. Lots of coloring in my coloring book and tea. Tomorrow I have to go to work and smile and be a normal person, so it was important that today I didn’t fake it. I just let myself be.
Thanks for reading. 🙂